i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Randomize
