I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
