woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
