Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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