So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
