operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Are we still banned from the library?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
