its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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