All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
