she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
