he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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