Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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