Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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