I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
...so i touched it.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
