I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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