So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
