I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
