i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I am midnight drunk by noon
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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