We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
