She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
