He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize