I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
