my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
