You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
