loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
