i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
