with your own penis?
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
