I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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