...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
