and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She's the barista slut.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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