This girl is more easily done than said...
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
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