Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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