He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize