Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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