I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
