he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
