stop calling my apartment porn island.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
