just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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