Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
