i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
