I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She's the barista slut.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
