i just wanna soil my oats bro
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize