We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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