i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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