Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Is Oprah even human
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
