First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
