Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
