So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
