I must be too annoying 4 u.
hotel room ftw
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
