I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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