Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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