Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
