I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
It's Friday. Sex?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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