We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
