when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
