I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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