Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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