oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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