He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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