i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
