There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
