Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
