I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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