is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
