I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
