Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Randomize
