I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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