I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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