it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
