just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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