Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
