Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
