She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Sorry about my life...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
