I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
