Jerry, you need to find god
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
