i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
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