He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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