it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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