my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
