I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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