My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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